


Seeing you

by XShipperxWriterxGirlX



Series: Mick's Journal [3]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Depressed Mick, M/M, Minor spoilers for 2X08 Chicago way, hallucination!Len, happy-ish ending, mentions of Alocholicism, minor suggested sexual themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-18 06:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9373034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XShipperxWriterxGirlX/pseuds/XShipperxWriterxGirlX
Summary: Seeing Leonard gives Mick the inspiration to write in his journal..About his experiences of seeing Leonard.(Sequel to 'not as dumb as you think I am & 'why did you have to leave me'!)





	1. The first time

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm finally back. Jesus where has the time gone?
> 
> Anyway,  
> This one is going to be a multi-fic, each chapter representing the time where Mick saw Leonard in the episode. Some are going to be longer than others. 
> 
> This chapter though, I'm not completely sure about but hey ho. Leonard didn't spend a lot of time in this scene so that explains why it's so short. 
> 
> As always, enjoy!

_Entry 3_

_~~Lenny~~ ,  
I saw you. Well I think I saw you. I hope it wasn't a dream. A dream that I was hallucinating you. Mind you, if it was a dream you'd be alive and not dead._

_I was alone in the med bay watching over someone, drinking a beer- my taste for it has, um, escalated since you died. I know its not a lot of fun, drinking alone. But drinking helps in its own way.. it helps me forget.._

_Anyway, then you turned up. You being your sarcastic snarky self that I ~~know~~ and love. Not the unknown version that blew himself up. "Oh how the mighty have fallen" was what you said to me first. Almost gave me a heart attack. I knew I was losing my mind when you appeared. Said it out loud actually, and you agreed to that. Asked 'why else else would I be taking orders like a well trained puppy?' The answer would be I don't know._

_Well I actually do know if I wasn't, and those thoughts actually terrify me because I don't care anymore. Well, more so than before. With you I only killed people when it was absolutely necessary- like you always did. Now- if I was by myself- I would just kill people whenever. Do stuff I shouldn't. Get pissed every night. Give myself liver damage and be back with you? Ha! I would be lucky._

_"That's why, I'm here to set you straight." Was the final thing you said to me before you disappeared. Oh the irony. Considering how many times had you under me- or on top of me- screaming my name as you came... well. It's safe to say neither of us are straight._

_Very short and sweet your visit, typical of you. Your entrances are always very short and cheerful. A little like this entry, actually. I'm sorry I don't have time to write more.. I've got to go kick ass, cause now the rest of the ~~bastards~~ actually need me apparently._

_Into Chicago I go._

_-Mick._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was both longer than I had expected it was and not as long as I thought it was. 
> 
> Like I thought it would be around the 200 mark upon copying and pasting it cause it loooked longer on my notes but hey ho!


	2. You always did like the shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second time mick saw Leonard.

_Entry 4:_

~~_Lenny,_ ~~

~~~~_so apparently you showing up wasn't a one time thing. You came again. I was on a rescue mission for blondie and old man. Typical you, hiding in the shadows._

_"Watch where you point that thing." You first said, using your typical snark. Snarky Snart heh. Would be funny if you weren't dead. Anyway in fairness I was carrying my gun so I'll give you that reason for using your snark. You were trying to give me advice about where I shouldn't be._

_"You shouldn't be here, Mick. Capone's_ _men maybe from 1927 but their bullets work just fine." Well thanks for the advice Lenny, but did you ever think that I don't care anymore? Since you blew yourself up, maybe, just maybe, I want to die just so I can be with you again? I never really cared for getting shot in the first place, you knew that. But now? I'm just waiting. Maybe I shouldn't have been there doing what I was doing. After all, they've not been very good towards me. "Do you really want to risk your life for a skirt and geezer?" You asked then and well. I didn't have chance to reply cause of amaya coming through the commes._

_Maybe lenny, maybe so._

_"ah sounds like a sweet little angel whispering in your ear. The thing is with angels, they always want you to do the right thing and doing the right thing gets you killed... I should know." That's the thing you DO know, and I know. But do I really care about that anymore? No. Lenny, you should have let me do it. You'd be okay on this tin can, the team accepted you, they never gave two shits about me- and they don't even more so now. They clearly ever tolerated me because of you and now you're gone.._

_"you want to stay alive. Listen to the devil, get out now" You said, typical you would be the devil. I find it rather cute to be fair. You always were the devil. I mean we both went down the criminal road, don't get me wrong. It was a done fact since Juvie. But you were always the devil.. the voice of reasoning. Well, sort of anyway. You always did have everything planned and wanted to get me out of the job. That's why I wasn't so surprised that after you said that an alarm started to ring._

_"Too late." You said with that smirk, if you wasn't a damn hallucination then I would have kissed you again. Just one last time... but you were so I couldn't. And then you left me again._

 

_Damn it Lenny, why do you have to keep leaving me? I don't want you gone. I want you here with me. Now what am I supposed to do without you? I went back to the team- only cause I can't stay in 1927, and I especially can't stay in Chicago. You know that.._

_even if it's back in time, the place still reminds me of you. All our memories there.._

_Please come back, not just as an hallucination.. for real. I'm barely coping without you._

_-Mick._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one is a bit longer. Yay! 
> 
> To be continued..


	3. Not that kind of guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mick reacts to Leonard's jealousy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh lens jealousy in this scene, so obvious and hilarious. Bless him. I miss him so much. 
> 
> But yay for a quick update!

_Entry 5:_

~~_Lenny,_ ~~

_I've never wrote so much in this journal in such a short space of time. I guess seeing you has given me the inspiration to write in this thing. After today, I must be losing my mind. After all, there's got to be something wrong if you're seeing your dead lover everywhere you go._

_This time you showed up, well, it honestly makes me laugh. You came to be jealous of Amaya? She's cool, don't get me wrong but she's not you. I love you, not her. _

_Jeez, here I am, explaining myself into a journal that you're never going to read because you're ~~dead~~. I know how you would have reacted if you were here. I know you trusted me, but asides from Lisa, I'm the only one you ever trusted. So I'd understand if you reacted badly. _

_I have hope though, that you're somewhere out there.. just waiting to be pulled back into my arms._

_"What's next Mick, walks along the beach, just the two of you?" You asked, all so being sarcastic with your little drawl. How I've missed that... missed you. I told you you were getting on my nerves, that you were becoming a pain in my ass, with your little comments, but you weren't really. It was like you were actually back again._

_Its just that you weren't which annoyed me._

_"I get it Mick. She's easy on the eyes, tough in a fight." Of course you get it... all those times you spent with blondie. What, you're allowed to show up and be jealous of her but I'm not allowed to be angry in my journal about those little times you spent with her in her room? You spent more time with her than you did with me... especially after the whole Kronos issue..  even when we were engaged! If you didn't feel that way about me anymore you should have just said instead of killing yourself! I would have understood! After all, I always knew you could do better! Surely telling me instead of killing yourself would have been less painful, right? Damn it Lenny you've left me with all these questions!_

_Sorry.. off topic. But I am supposed to write down my feelings, that is what this is for._

_I reasured you that she is just a friend, the only one I have, considering my last one blew himself up. You asked me if 'I cared for a little advice?'. From a dead guy? No not really. Said that too. It was almost like our little banter again. Almost._

_"Don't let the new girl rope you into her death wish. This whole sacrificing yourself for your friends thing isn't as fun as it sounds. Trust me." You concluded and when I turned around, you were gone again. Maybe I should trust you on this, but who says anything about me sacrificing myself for them?_

_oh right yeah._

_But this time? Not a chance. I learnt from last time. I lost you haven't I?_

_Lenny please stop messing with my head. Do you know something I don't? Are you the oculus now? Damn more questions and no answers! I just need you back. I need the answers. I need.._

_you._

_-Mick._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued..


	4. If only

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final time that mick saw Leonard.

_Entry 6:_

_~~Lenny~~ : _

_Wow. You really did give me the inspiration to write in this thing didn't you? I really must be losing my mind. Seeing you and writing about my fe- feel--_

_thoughts. Let's go with thoughts._

_The last time you came and saw me, well, I had just suffered a blow to the head, but you know me. Thick skinned and all that that goes with it._

_"Now that's the Mick Rory I remember." Was your opening line this time. No snark, just pure honesty. Which, you were because st the time I was eating. You always did say I get the munchies real bad after getting hit in the head. Well, worse than usual anyway. Beginning to think you were right thinking about it. "Always thinking with his stomach." You then added, and I had responded with a shut up._

_Because well, you were right Lenny, yet again. You always are. I won't go on how it felt like you were back because well.. I have before and I hate to be repetitive. But it did. You'd always say something like that when I was stuffing my face with who knows what._

_Then you had gone because the lovely Amaya showed up for you to be jealous. Beginning to think this 'caring' act she's trying to pull on me is.. well, real. She's always around me... no wonder you were jealous. But it can't be real considering she always calls me an animal that needs to be tamed and I think that's what she's really trying to do. It's all fake just like the rest of the team. I don't like it. I don't like this ship. I don't like being alone. I don't like not having you anymore. I just don't like anything anymore. I'm so filled with hatred and I don't know what's the best way to control it. I feel like one day I'm going to combust and then what will I do?_

_Maybe then I'll finally walk into a situation where I won't walk out. Everyone else would like that. I wouldn't be a burden anymore._

_Then Amaya left and you returned._

_"Hope it was worth it. All that for a kiss on the cheek and a cheep bottle of booze." You said and you were so clearly jealous once again. To be fair she did kiss my cheek. I never gave her permission she just did it. I don't like people invading my personal space. I only ever allowed you, and on occasion Lisa into it. "That speedster could have killed you Mick, what then?" You then asked, and what then Lenny? You want to know? I'd be dead like you and that's what I told you. Don't be hypocritical, you're the one that's dead. You're the one inside my head thinking you can keep me alive, telling me what to do even from the fucking grave!_

_Ever think I don't want to live anymore Lenny?! You're the only person that I ever cared about. You're the only person I've ever loved. You're the only person that I've ever slept with. And you fucking killed yourself! I have no-one else now Lenny. Don't warn me about almost dying because I can't even start to give a shit whether I live or die anymore._

_Theres no life without you Lenny! I can't move on with my life because I'm time traveling with a bunch of bastards that take the piss out of me. That think it's okay to make jokes about my mental health issues. That think I need to be babysat all the god damn time! It's not okay Leonard! You can't just die but then come inside my head to keep me alive! This is **NOT** how it works. You can't keep doing this to me. I can't keep going round acting like everything's okay when it's not! _

_You know what Lenny?_

_Everything is not okay! You should have let me die! There's no room for a pyromaniac with depression who doesn't care if he lives or dies anymore on this ship. On this earth. You would have been okay! You've never done anything without a plan_ _your whole life and the one time you act on impulse you die? I should have left Ray to die._

_I don't know how I'm coping without you but there's little fight left in me now..._

_maybe I should just give up already. People will be happier without me._

_I want to be with you again, is that too much to ask for?_

_-Mick_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. My feelings about micks maltreatment started to come out in this chapter. 
> 
> And that's not even half of what I feel about it.
> 
> Longest chapter I've ever done for this series all together...


	5. Dear Mick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard does all he can to help mick..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I could leave the story like that, do you? ;)

_Entry 1:_

_Dear Mick._

_I'm using all the power I can to write this to you, so it probably won't be long. I wanted to explain everything you wrote in the last couple of days, I couldn't leave you like that._

_For starters, I wasn't a hallucination. I was real, I don't quite know what it is, but I can manipulate things in the timestream. It's like I absorbed some of the oculus' powers. I can only do this for now.._

_Mick something is wrong, there's a past self that is soon going to be pulled out of the timeline by some speedster. An evil one, not Barry. This one wears a yellow suit and has red lightning. He's basically a reverse flash. Ha. I can't see the future though so sorry I'm not much help and this is all you've got to go on._

_Mick I need you to find me and help me. I need you away from those people. It hurts that I know what they say about you behind your back, that I can't **do anything.** I want to help you, I really do. I'm so angry and fustrated that I can't! Mick please don't give up. Not yet. I don't know what I'd do if I came back and you weren't around anymore. _

_I know it would be a past self that's.. where ever, but I'd know you. Even if I didn't know anyone else, I would know you. I'd recognise you. Just come to me when you see me... whatever happens. I know my youngerself doesn't convey emotions- hell I'm still not good at it now, even too Lisa._

_Writing a note in your journal isn't enough... I'll find my way back to you one way or another, even if it's the last thing I ever do. We'll save each other. We'll get married and be happy. It's all I ever wanted. I don't care if we give up doing heists and have no money, as long as we're together again. You say that **I'm** the best guy you ever knew, that I'm a hero to you. But Mick, you're my hero. You saved my ass in Juvie and you've been sticking up for me ever since. You make me a better guy. **You're the best guy I ever knew, you're my hero Mick.**_

_Mick don't give up just yet. Just a little more to go._

_I love you Mick, don't ever forget that._

_-Lenny_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now is the end of this part of Micks journal
> 
> Until next time..


End file.
